Maybe not the full answer.
Beware of so-called “table styles”. They betray you by disguising under the name “styles” whereas they are in fact a set of macros. Whenever you change anything in a table, be an inconspicuous character formatting, the macros are re-triggered and they apply their “decoration” as direct-formatting. Direct-formatting has the highest priority among styling (paragraph < character < direct formatting) and thus all your style formatting is lost, as well as your DF because the macros replace your DF with their own.
Inside table properties, cell background has highest precedence (> row/column > table). Once again the macros operate here, meaning it overrides your row backgroound and replacing your cell background.
If you really care about your table formatting and layout, forget the “table styles” and do it manually. This will be more tiresome but less frustrating. I hope that some day Writer will offer true table style where the formatting can be applied by a simple double-click on the style name, just like you do for paragraphs.