The very first words of the question were the only ones of self.criticism by the questioner. There should have been more. And the fact that no answers (in the sense of the questioner) were found isn’t exactly wrong terminology (of which we have a lot going down the about 30 comments above), but simply that there are none.
Spreadsheets aren’t made for that kind of job. The results of spreadsheet formulas delivered to spredsheet cells always are so called simple (about the same as scalar) types and error messages. No objects of any kind, no “in-cell-arrays” or “in-cell-tables” or “image anchors” or “cell-background-bitmaps”.
There were a few features (some very doubtable) added later, but basically the indispensable abilities of spreadsheets are concerning calculations hopefully also reasobnable ones in a few cases. These calculations need to be organized safe, efficient, and reliable. Though fancy formatting of text portions is rarely essential, the feature was implemented on the level of fix texts, mainly to support “prettyprint” of results.
OK. As long as this feature doesn’t interfere with the fundamental duties of spreadsheets, it may be there. The few additional MiBytes of code, download traffic, workstation constipation and the like are mostly disregarded tody, and I can’t help it as bad as that may be.
However, endangering the central functionality, at least concerning efficiency and the tiing-up of human reasources in development is inacceptable.
I wouldn’t object if my old car also was able to fly, but feel sure it can’t - and can’t learn it without getting useless on the road. For seeing flying cars I can watch a picture of the Bond type.
Spreadsheets are already developed to next-to-uselessness. Let’s stop that.
And: The only post here not just telling “No way!” or “But it must!”, but demonstrating a raw sketch of a workaround based on spreadsheet means, seems to be my answer (for those who also study the few lines of contained code). I still am waiting for a comment on it by the questioner - who surely can point out and sketch interesting enhancements.